Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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