This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize