She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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