smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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