drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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