Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
