I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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