I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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