this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
