I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
