so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
