i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
