I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
