My first STD was from a foam party
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
