apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
