the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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