Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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