Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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