btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
