Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
