I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize