Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
