Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
