I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm both gender and math confused
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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