brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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