Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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