One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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