Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
