Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
