Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
