We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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