No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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