It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
