I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
