I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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