Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
