Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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