it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
