I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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