fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize