Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
