My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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