That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
