fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
