Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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