Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This baby is an asshole
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
