Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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