She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
