Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
