i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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