oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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