i wish peter jackson would direct porn
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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