I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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