Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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