i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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