herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
