I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
did you just send me my own nude
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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