On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
