dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
