i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
