i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
