I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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