Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
