stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
