3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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