My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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