During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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