I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
