it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
